puff pastry


davey texts me the above pic as i’m en route to meet him.

me [thinking]: is he taking pictures of other people’s food? hmmm … i’d better hurry. 

i get to the cute little french place he’s chosen for dinner and the above is sitting on a little plate in front of where i’d sit.

it wasn’t some random person’s food, after all. i smile. and join him at the table.


this promise

oftentimes, i find myself twirling my (tiffany) ring around my finger and still catching my breath about this promise we’ve made to each other. it’s thrilling and grounding all at the same time, just the way davey made me feel from day one.

a promise with each other as witnesses, without the distracting presence of others, ceremonies/rituals, or hullabaloo (i’ve been wanting to use this word). next year’s promise won’t have that intimacy, so let’s enjoy the lingering effects of this one.

feeling incredibly lucky to be with someone who makes me feel thrilled and grounded, all at the same time.

that feeling

“sus, for someone who isn’t religious, you sure have a lot of religious friends.” so said my friend tashina.

she was right. there’s something about having faith and trusting that has always spoken to me. religious rituals and rites alienated me into the land of foreigner without a visa in religious terrain (usually decorated with pretty stained glass), but this idea of just simply having faith and believing without any evidence or reason resonates loudly and clearly. that’s not to say that i’ll be hightailing it to a church anytime soon. simply that there’s something so incredibly beautiful and moving about faith and trust.

“juhng” – it’s a funny thing

정. “juhng.”

it’s one of those korean words that you can’t quite translate into english. there’s no real equivalent.

it’s a closeness, a fondness you feel for someone – it can grow from seeing someone day in and day out. and it’s more platonic than romantic. although when you encounter the two with the same person, then good luck trying to get away from the pull of that combination. [trust me, i’ve tried].

once it’s there, it never really goes away. even years after.

“juhng.” it’s a tricky thing. it sneaks up on you. never does it announce: “hey, i’m gonna happen.” kinda like a ninja. sneaky bastard.

it always makes me smile though, when i realize that it has set in and is there to stay. especially when i see someone who i haven’t seen in awhile.

i saw a friend recently. and it made me smile to see that he still made that weird sound with his mouth [like, seriously weird] to fill up an awkward [or random] silence. when i say weird, i mean weird. like, when i first heard him make that sound years ago, i was so shocked that i couldn’t even ask what he was doing and why. the closest way to describe it would be comparing it to the sound of a deflating balloon. strange, right? it was only when i had gotten used to it [also years ago], that i realized that “juhng” had set in.

it’s strangely comforting. to know that what you remember about someone stays constant. circumstances may change, but certain things don’t. their mannerisms, the way they joke, or the way they walk. seeing my phone in its bright blue bunny case with ears, he asked, in only the way he would ask: “omg, is that an animal?!”

and you think, “juhng” – that sneaky thing that crept up on you like a ninja.