“like an eclipse”

of the writing i consumed this past year, one that stayed with me is this one by delia ephron. and as yet another new year greets, these words from her essay come to mind.

“To me, having it all — if one wants to define it at all — is the magical time when what you want and what you have match up. Like an eclipse. Personally, I believe having it all can last longer than that. It might be a fleeting moment — drinking a cup of coffee on a Sunday morning when the light is especially bright.  It might also be a few undisturbed hours with a novel I’m in love with, a three-hour lunch with my best friend … It’s when all your senses are engaged.  It’s when you feel at peace with someone you love.  And that isn’t often.”

new year’s resolutions always seemed cliche to me. made only to be broken, like recklessly made promises.

instead of any resolutions or goals, i hope this year is one filled with moments like these.

seeing someone i adore open up a little notebook to write down the places we’ve been to together and realizing that’s the first time i’ve seen his handwriting, seeing one of my best friend’s babies (little E) reach his tiny hands towards my face while babbling and squealing with delight and hearing my friend S say, “he’s trying to speak to you. that’s his way of speaking to you” … laughing over a meal with my parents at the same restaurant we’ve gone to since i was in high school …

i also hope that i’m wise enough to enjoy and value moments like those in this new year.

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sliding doors

there’s a movie i often think of. it happens to be a 90s movie starring gwyneth paltrow with a british accent. in spite of that, it happens to also be a great movie.

it’s about the choices you make – often unintended – and their unintended consequences. gwyneth’s character runs to catch a train (don’t we all). we see one gwyneth catch the train. the other gwyneth does not. there’s one gwyneth, but she “splits” into two (remember – it’s a movie).

the rest of the movie follows the two gwyneths – the one who caught the train and the one who missed it and got on the next one.

just minutes apart, but living vastly different lives as a result.

i oftentimes wonder. with every choice we make (deliberate or otherwise, small or large), our lives are altered, often in a matter of seconds split.

it’s quite thrilling, actually.

i feel incredibly grateful to be able to look back on my choices – with both their intended and unintended consequences – and smile or laugh.

you still can’t help but wonder sometimes – what if i’d gotten on that train? or not gotten on it?